Random Thoughts

I came to a realization today.  I think I may be a bit masochistic by nature.  Of course, I'm sure I can also be a bit sadistic as well, but that is another story for another time. I don't know if I am punishing myself for some unknown, subconsciously committed atrocity, or if I just self-inflict pain to periodically reassure myself I am still alive.  Not physical pain, mind you.  No, the pain I submit to falls squarely within the mental and emotional arena.  For some reason, I keep putting myself in situations which ultimately end up causing me varying levels of emotional or mental pain. Let's see if I can come up with a couple of examples, and unfortunately for you, dear reader, I am going to have to be a bit brutally honest about myself: I'm not happy with my physical appearance, and I haven't been for a long, long time -- like since-I-was-a-small-child long time.  No matter what I do, I can't get to the point where I would like to be.  When I look in t

For some reason I decided to write a little today.  At the beginning of the year, I dubbed 2014 as the "Year of Creation".  I planned to  create  this year:  writing, music, photography, geographical formations out of mashed potatoes and the like.  That is what I *planned* to do.  Since then I have nothing to show for it.  I guess if you count a kitchen remodel, then I did create something... but that is a weak example.  I got a new music keyboard and started learning the software it came with, but have no new music recorded.  I bought a new camera and am currently learning how to use it, but I have nothing substantial to show for it.  I wrote 500+ words in my novel just before the start of the year, and haven't touched it since. Procrastination has always been a big problem in my life since I was a boy.  If something is boring to me, or undesirable, or I am unsure about what the outcome might be (whether I will succeed or fail), I put it off.  I will often start  somet